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Moving a loved one to assisted living is a difficult decision.

Making the decision to move to assisted living is a difficult decision.

One of the hardest decisions a home caregiver can make is that of moving a loved-one to an assisted living, memory care or skilled nursing facility. Sadly, as our population ages, more of us will be faced with making these critical care choices. Every day in the United States, 10,000 baby boomers turn 65; according to AARP, the number of older adults will more than double over the next several decades. In Sonoma County, 28% of residents are age 60+, making Sonoma County’s population the second oldest in the Bay Area.

The hard decision about housing typically comes when a loved one is no longer safe to live on their own and we cannot provide the round-the-clock care they need. We all have limits to our caregiving ability, and guilty feelings are a normal reaction to our changing roles and loss of control. It’s important to remember that you cannot control your loved one’s health or diseases; you can only do what is best for them and your situation.

Guilt is a hardwired emotion between a parent and child — especially in the face of sometimes tricky family dynamics. Moving a loved one is a serious decision and guilty feelings are a normal part of the process — but feeling guilty does not mean you’ve failed or broken a promise to your loved one.

Overcome your guilt

Allow your feelings and know that you’re not alone. Giving care 24/7 is emotionally and physically draining. Acknowledge that your loved one would not want you to jeopardize your own health or wellbeing by taking care of them. There are times when professional assistance is best for everyone. Instead of dwelling on negative emotions, try focusing on how this decision will benefit both you and your charge.

Seek others who will understand and can help you cope. Reach out for support from care groups, doctors and others who have gone through this process. Look for a residents’ family support group within the community you’ve chosen or contact local organizations such as the Redwood Caregiver Resource Center or local chapters of the Council on Aging or the Alzheimer’s Association. Know that guilt will lessen over time.

Sometimes after your loved one has relocated, you may feel guilty for feeling some relief. But consider the positives of placing your loved one in a senior community. They will likely benefit from the structure and stimulation of nursing home activities and a daily routine in an accepting and understanding environment. This placement gives your loved one the opportunity to socialize with other people who are in similar stages of aging.

Many seniors gain weight, and their physical and mental health improve when they have fresh cooked meals, medications on time, attentive physical care and opportunities to engage in activities such as music, art, exercise and games. In many cases, fellow residents are eager to include new people in the social aspect of group living. Group activities evoke feelings of camaraderie and human connection, which are necessary for well-being.

It may also help to learn more about your loved one’s condition and how it will progress. Talk with their doctor about how to manage their decline and what you can do to facilitate their well-being in their new surroundings.

Finally, it’s vital to establish boundaries with those who may want to judge your decision. They have not walked in your shoes and should not be allowed to second-guess the choices you have made to keep your loved one safe and cared for. Don’t let others assign guilt to you.

Facilitating the transition

If possible, set up your loved one's room to mimic the layout and furniture of their former home. Hang photos and bring photo albums. To the best of your ability, ensure their care plan keeps their routines the same as before moving. This could mean the newspaper is delivered each morning or retaining a certain shower time.

Make a framed document with “The Five Most Important Things to Know” about your loved one to help the staff have meaningful conversations with them. To this same end, create a magnetic legacy photo board so your loved ones can take each one down to hold them up close or show others (if necessary, seal the photos in plastic to help preserve them). When you visit, ask meaningful questions and record a little of their history for the staff and next generation to learn.

Take the time to acknowledge and appreciate that you are doing the best you can and deserve to have a life and relationships outside of caregiving. In many cases, relationships improve when you return to being a family member first and caregiver second. You will still oversee your loved one’s care, but the day-to-day stresses and responsibilities will be shared with a full support team.

Jet Howell is founder of Jet’s Senior Living Placement Solutions, which offers free senior placement services to families in Sonoma County and Northern California who need assisted living or memory care for a loved one. This was an article published in Sonoma Health Magazine and distributed in The Press Democrat newspaper.

Jet Howell 4/26/23 Jet Howell 4/26/23

Stages of Alzheimer's: Understanding the Progression of the Disease

Explore the 3 stages of Alzheimer’s and how symptoms progress over time. Jet Howell, Senior Living Placement Advisor, explains what to expect and how to plan compassionate care at every step.

Are you or a loved one struggling with Alzheimer's disease? It's important to understand the stages of Alzheimer's so that you can provide the best care and support possible. In this article, we'll explore the different stages of Alzheimer's and how they impact individuals and their families. As a leading provider of senior living solutions, Jet Senior Living Solutions is here to help you every step of the way.

What is Alzheimer's Disease?

Alzheimer's disease is a progressive neurological disorder that affects an individual's memory, thinking, and behavior. It's the most common cause of dementia, a group of brain disorders that cause a decline in cognitive function. Alzheimer's disease affects approximately 5.8 million people in the United States alone and is the sixth leading cause of death.

The cause of Alzheimer's disease is not fully understood, but it's believed to be a combination of genetic, environmental, and lifestyle factors. There is currently no cure for Alzheimer's disease, but there are treatments that can help manage symptoms and improve quality of life.

The Three Stages of Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's disease is typically divided into three stages: early, middle, and late. Each stage is characterized by specific symptoms and changes in the brain.

Early Stage

During the early stage of Alzheimer's, an individual may experience:

Memory loss, especially of recent events or information
Difficulty with familiar tasks, such as cooking or using a phone
Problems with language, such as forgetting words or using the wrong words
Disorientation, such as getting lost or easily confused
Poor judgment, such as making bad financial decisions
Withdrawal from social activities and hobbies

In the early stage, an individual may still be able to perform daily tasks and may not require much assistance. However, it's important to monitor their condition and provide support as needed.

Middle Stage

The middle stage of Alzheimer's is typically the longest and can last for many years. During this stage, an individual may experience:

Increased memory loss, including forgetting their own name or the names of loved ones
Difficulty with basic tasks, such as dressing or bathing
Mood swings and personality changes, such as becoming angry or agitated
Hallucinations or delusions
Wandering or getting lost
Incontinence
Difficulty swallowing

In the middle stage, an individual will require more assistance with daily tasks and may need round-the-clock care.

Late Stage

The late stage of Alzheimer's is the most severe and is characterized by a significant decline in cognitive and physical function. During this stage, an individual may experience:

Severe memory loss, including forgetting how to speak or communicate
Inability to walk or sit up without assistance
Loss of bladder and bowel control
Weight loss and malnutrition
Seizures
Increased susceptibility to infections
Loss of awareness of surroundings and events

In the late stage, an individual will require constant care and support. They may not be able to communicate verbally and may be bedridden.